On Wednesday my daily reading passage was Psalms 3-5, and I fittingly read this right before bed.

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go.
("Leave the Pieces," The Wreckers)

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
("Teardrops on My Guitar," Taylor Swift)

It don't hurt anymore
All my teardrops are dried
No more walkin' the floor
With that burnin' inside
Just to think it could be
Time has opened the door
And at last I am free
I don't hurt anymore
("It Don't Hurt Anymore," Martina McBride)

I've never been the kind that you'd call lucky
Always stumbling' around in circles
But I must have stumbled into something
Look at me
Am I really alone with you
I wake up feeling like my life's worth living
Can't recall when I last felt that way
Guess it must be all this love you're giving
Never knew never knew it could be like this
But I guess...
("Some Hearts," by Carrie Underwood)

God's voice My voice

"Jesus says--Go steadily on with what I have told you to do and I will guard your life. If you try to guard it yourself, you will remove yourself from my deliverance." -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest
But God, why must it be deliverance, why can't it be prevention?
Because "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. ANd hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." (Romans 5:3b-5)
But what is it I should hope for?
"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." (Psalms 25:5) Hope that God is truth, that He will not let me be put to shame, that He will "guard my life and rescue me" and that He will redeem me from all my troubles. Not that He will never let them happen, but that He will make good come from them.
Oh, God, I don't know if I like that! I accept it but I don't think I like it very much at all. But give me a willing spirit, I want very much to trust you, God, and I don't want to guard against you of all people.
Psalm 27:1 - The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?
:4 - One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.
:14 - Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

This conversation came yesterday, the day after a long postponed arranged meeting at a picnic for International Friendships, with the son of my parents' friends' friend. It was every bit as awkward as I had imagined over the two months since the first proposition of the idea, but I was trying to give him a chance so I could at least tell my parents I had honestly tried. To give you an idea of the tenor of our interaction...

Me: So, what's your dating philosophy?
Him: Uh...crash and burn?

Precisely the answer I did not want to hear, but I was promptly rescued by the arrival at the bus stop of some international students who had been at the picnic, with whom we each proceeded to talk for the next twenty minutes while studiously ignoring each other. I realized the next day, however, that God was running interference for me from the start, and that I should have listened to my own intuition instead of thinking about pleasing others. God has been guarding me against all manner of encounters with men, even trivial ones, and I think it is fairly safe to say that He wants me to be single right now. I will have to ask whether that is to be a long-term condition, and while He doesn't have to tell me, I am least going to ask so later on I can't say I didn't try to find and follow His will.

Psalm 28:7-9 - The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. The LORD is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever.